Monday, April 20, 2009

if only..i could..if...

If only i could make you understand,
if only i can be be me,
i believe its wont be suck like this.
If only i could change and go back to the past,
im sure these crap wont be crap.
Now i can only smile with a fake,
or just grinning,
or no smile.
will it be easy for me?
ERr..nope..or yup.
maybe its seems easy for me,
but actually its fucking hard.
If i could go back to the past,
i just want to go back to school,
but without any relationship..
so that now the hurts i wont feel now.
But what can do now?what should i do in the future?
its not easy for me to move on.
so means i should give up?
no matter what i try to do..
it wont change anything.
now is better.
i knew thw true feelings..
no love no more care,rather than any fake feelings.
so i`ll just accept..i know i have to stay strong.
Im liyana..i can do it..

Saturday, April 18, 2009

perfection?is beauty?(=

Skinny legs,bigger breasts,
tiny waists,thinner arms..
is all beauty means to them.
Perfection is what i`m searching for,
for quite a long times,
and it`s slowly closing in,
that doesn`t seem to end.
Society is telling me,
and i`ve influented by them.
They said beauty is thin and thin is beauty,
so that`s the pressure to be perfect.
So how to be?
starve myself?shoving something down my throat?
is that will bring me closer to that goal?
But yet i`ve realised something,
no good will come from that,
it seems okay at first,
but soon will becomes a trap.
I just believes i`ll never good enough,
no matter what i do.
There is one beauty that i`ve learnt,
it`s learning to accept myself.
Imperfection..not really important.
And the beauty that really matter is self-acceptance.
Mom said,''beauty will lies in our heart,our soul,our core..
because when you love what`s inside,you`ll love what`s outside even more..''
And now..that`s the beauty means to me.(=

Sunday, April 05, 2009

I miss........

I school life,to duty as a prefect,to play with my friends,to study together,to take part of the activities,to stay back,to attend tuition classes,to fight with laugh with all of them!!!haha..
But it`s all impossible.I have to move on.Now i`m getting ready for my college life.Feel nervous as i never go through it before.At the same time i feel it is a good chance for me to learn something new,learn to be more independent,brave and be more sociable.I`ll try my best.This time i really won`t dissapoint my dad and mom.I won`t dissapoint myself too.=)
To meet with success,i have to make sure i am ready neither emotionally and physically.Not to listen to what people might say,not to care how people might think.Me is means no.and yes means yes..if i decide it i`ll do it.=)Life is like giving and no matter how,no matter what,i`ll appreciate my life that dear god had given to me.
I friends.I miss to laugh with them.To share everything with them.For most of my life,i won`t keep all my feeling bottled up inside.No matter how,i`ll try to allow myself to acknowledge any anger or pain or even happiness.Thats why,i desperately need someone with me whom i could confide.True friend is hard to find.About friendship,i`ve experienced it alot!!I still remember when i still in form1..they love to bully me,to play me around.They treat me just like shit..not even appreciate of how i treated them!I never harm them,i treat thm as fiends,but at last i understand that they are my shit friends.But is long i don`t harm people,i don`t have to be afraid or down.One day they`ll get their returns.Yup!of cause i forgive them.But trust me nothing can make me to forget them,forget what they`ve done!But i thanks to god,at that time,i met nicole.She was the one who always be there for me.(even though not in same class)..i`m happy to know her..her family also started to close with mine.Nicole and the gang never look down on me.I still remember fiona scolded me cuz i said i not desserve to be with the gang.haha..i`m so touch that you all can accept me.I finally understand what is friendship means.There are no end in friendship!!ya..but this sentence just for those whom really appreciate their friends.hee=)I know who is my friend!!That`s more than enough..hehe..
I miss my dear need to heart know..our heart know..haha!!

Saturday, April 04, 2009


Happiness....hard to figure it right?Because it was not jealousy.."jealousy"....easy to figure it,i knew that one very well.If jealousy,i could easily write it down..jealous of my younger sister and how she got everything..jealous of my friends who always got straight A`s..or lead a play or group.Hmm..But it was a happiness.That humans always searching for.
It`s about happiness.=)a girl caught a beautiful butterfly.She loves it so much.But yet she let it go cuz her mom said that the butterfly will die.And if she were the butterfly,she wouldn`t wanna live in the glass jar.And so,she let it go.Although it was her favorite-ist butterfly that she ever had.
So?what do you think happiness is??hmm..BUTTERFLIES..the girl was happy to catch it and happy to see it go.Butterflies bring nothing but happiness.Maybe butterflies aren`t exactly the key of happiness,but maybe there is something to be said about the simple things in our life.Now i understand..not the high score..lead in play..or getting new things will make we,humans happy.Just a little things,like catching and releasing butterflies just might make the happiness to grow..=)